Rome was not Built in a day

If yesterday was the fun side of being fat than that would make sense that today would be a bad day… although there was no looming eviction as we saw tonight for Allan and Romi but just like our first evicted couple it seemed to feel like despite getting up and going, setting out a healthy dinner plan, and healthy lunch and a tight excercise regime of an hour swim and an hour walk thisafternoon…I had never felt more alone and hopeless than I did today.

It was Anxiety Palooza for me all day today. I felt fat for the first time in a long time, and I had no one to help me, and no one to stop me from doing the wrong thing, and I did not feel better about the fact that I had done something.  I just felt bad, and I did not believe in myself, and I was all I had…sure other people can be there well you are here as a reader, but that pressure of failure was looming as I am sure the actual contestants then felt tonight with their public speaking challenge…that is the easy part for me especially considering that is what I do for a living.

Each day is going to be a new day and some will be harder than others, and at the end of the day… I was fat but I was not alone, I may not have a Michelle Bridges or a Hayley Lewis, as The contestants said…that fear that pain can either own you or you can own it. If oyu are sitting their reading this, not just if you are looking at weight loss but for anything that you want to do…you just need to put your mind to it. So many things I have tackled in my life I have not known what to expect or what I am doing…don’t hide behind excuses in your life and don’t let fear stop you from living.

Tonight as awful as I still feel, I know I can go to sleep proud, that despite all my other concerns right now that I will be ok, and I will do it.

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